March

At school, since it's March, we're learning all about the month of March. Mr. Teacher says it was named after the mom on the Simpsons. It's also the month when St. Patrick's Day is, which is a celebration of the guy who invented the Shamrock Shake. And it has something called the Eyes of March, which is the day that Julius Caesar invented the salad for Brutus, Popeye's arch-enemy. But everyone knows that Popeye doesn't eat salad, he eats spinich so he can kick the bejesus out of Brutus, or Blutus, or whatever the hell that hairy guy's name is, so that he can get with Olive Oil and use those big gigantor fore-arms to split her in half like a wishbone! And March is when all the madness happens, like what happened to King George, who I don't think played basketball. And March is when the first day of Spring is, which is when Droids get together with the Ewoks and sing gay-ass songs around bonfires. March is also the name of a Michael Penn album. If he had others, I couldn't tell you what they're called. And it's Penguin Awareness Month (March of the Penguins). Since it's not February anymore, we have a whole 'nother year before we have to be aware of Black people's history again. Easter is in March this year, when we celebrate the brutal and bloody execution of Jesus with jelly beans and Peeps. I like March. Lots of stuff going on, and it means there's only three more months 'till summer vacation!