The coolest person in the universe

Sorry it's taken me so long to write, but I've been pondering something that has left me with no good answer:

Is there anyone in the universe more cool than Han Solo?

I mean, really?

Sure, there are a lot of bad-ass mo-fos out there, but no one matches the utter coolness of the bad boy of the galaxy. Lando Calrissian may be the pimp of the galaxy, but not the coolest guy in the galaxy. No sir, not by a long shot.

Tell me, are any of these peeps even close?:

James Bond (cool gadgets, but he doesn't end up with a princess, does he?)

Captain Kirk (I don't think the Enterprise made the Kessel Run in less than five parsecs...)

Cap'n Mal (Han flies his own ship, he don't need no stinkin' crew)

Barack Obama (that's HAN Solo, not Hussein Solo)

Cool Hand Luke (Newman never got frozen and thawed out of carbonite, did he?)

Dirty Harry (Han carries a 350 Magnum LASER pistol)

Frank Sinatra (Han Solo is NOT from New Jersey)

Jello Pudding Pops (would melt on Tatooine)

Colt 45 (the gun AND the beverage)

The Spanish Inquisition (If Han doesn't believe in the Force, he sure as hell don't believe in God)

President John Tyler (Han isn't a creepy pedophile that marries a girl half his age and then has 11 kids with her and gets ex-communicated from his political party)

Hugh Hefner (Han would have been able to give Holly Madison a baby)

Gene Simmons (although they both love money, Han Solo has great hair)

Richard Simmons (Han Solo does NOT sweat to the oldies)

Sharks With Freakin' Laser Beams (Chewbacca would eat them right up)

Sawyer from Lost (Han Solo is a con man with a bounty on his head)

Captain Crunch (Han Solo does not get soggy in milk)

Kirk Cammeron (Han Solo does not get growing pains)

Elvis Presley (Han Solo would not die on the shitter)

Stephen Colbert (Han Solo's pistol was exhibited at the Smithsonian long before Colbert's portrait)

Sam Elliot (Han Solo would never drink Coor's Light)

Harrison Ford (Han Solo would never partner with Josh Hartnett for anything)

So if you think you know someone or something cooler than Han Solo, let me know. But remember, I'm only gonna live for another ten years or so.....

I'm really really really really really really sick

I've got a really bad head cold. My eyes are squirtin' out eye boogers, my nose is sneezing out kitten boogers, and I don't wanna eat anything 'cause it all tastes like boogers.

You know you're sick if you got this many boogers.

But my Mom and Dad wipe all my boogers away, making room for the new boogers.

I sneeze so much and so hard I knock myself over.

All I wanna do is sleep. I don't even have the energy to think about school, or Millie, or smackin' around Bob the purple jingle ball.

My Dad is takin' me to the doctor tomorrow. He said if I'm good I could have a lollipop, although, cats and sticky things don't mix well. I just hope I get to see Dr. Huxtable. He's funny, and I sure could use a laugh. But not a big laugh, 'cause I'll probably cough up a lung if I laugh too hard. Or spew lots of boogers all over the place. And that just isn't very nice.

I just hope I get well soon. Being sick is pretty craptastic.

Oh crap, I gotta go. Too many eye boogers to see to type anymore. Stupid boogers.